Twilight's feelin' it!
by HoneyApple
Summary: Twilight Sparkle is upset that stallions don't take interest in her. So she buys sometime that she hopes will help. WARNING! MATURE CONTENT!
1. Poor poor Twilight

**TWILIGHT'S FEELIN' IT! WHOOOO! HAHAAA!**

WARNING! SEXUAL IN CONTANT! AND IT IS WRONG! TURN AWAY NOW LITTLE ONES!

CHAPTER 1 - POOR, POOR TWILIGHT

The six main ponies (you know who they are) were enjoying themselves at the hottest night club in Ponyville. Hell, it was the only night club in Ponyville. And it just opened up recently. Rainbow Dash laughed when Pinkie Pie was gettin' it on. She danced and danced while the pianist was playin' it _hot_! All the stallions whistled loud at the sight of Pinkie's swaying hips and shaking ass! That's right! Doctor Whooves, Big Mac (or the Maxter, as they like to call him), Caramel, Gramps, Golden Delicious, Lucky/Clover, Rainbow Dash (who had a sex change). All them dirty sons a' bitches! And the Mares were getting drunk as hell. Eeyup! Everyhorsy was having a blast! All except for… Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity approached the depressed Mare. "Hey, Twi- *hiccup* Twi- *hiccup* Miss Sparkle. Why do you down so look?" Twilight reluctantly answered. "Well, I've been watching Pinkie Pie Dancing, showing off the whore side of her. Everypo… everyone seems to be loving her sexy body. But nopo… no body ever takes interest in _my_ ass."

Rarity felt her. "*hiccup* Well, I think your ass is feelin' fine. Try to enjo- *hiccup* enjo- *hiccup* get down with your bad self."

"I guess I just don't know how to present myself. Because I'm just not feelin' it. Sigh."

Rarity took her hooves off of Twilight's rear. "Just give it a- *hiccup* give it a- *hiccup* give it a- *Barf!* you can do it!"

"Thanks Rarity. But I just don't have what it takes."

"Well then screw you asshole! I'm gonna go for some stallion nipples."

It was past midnight, and Spike had a curfew. So Twilight told him to stop playing the piano and go home with her. Poor emo Twilight and horny Spike walked home drunk, while the other mares and male ponies stayed at the club making asses of themselves.

When they were back at the library, the baby dragon was having a hang over in bed while the purple horned mare just stared at the ceiling all sad and stuff. It was hopeless. Would she ever make a stallion's cock hard? She thought not. But she suddenly had an idea. "I now know what I must do." She said sternly. She immediately got out of bed, and went downstairs into her basement lab. Ignoring the pleas for escape from her captive pony test subjects, due to be experimented on tomorrow, she said, "I will invent a magic position, ur, potion that will get everyone to notice me."

And so she worked on it for the rest of that night. No longer would no one not give a shit… only the opposite of that… I think. Anyway, it's not like they could've taking a shit anyway, ever since Princess Celestia made it against the law for any life form to have the bodily functions of pooping, farting, and urinating. Yeah, Celestia was really vexed when Luna took a long blue sparkly dump in small pieces into Celestia's cereal bowl, then filled it up with piss, and served it to her as revenge for making Luna get a game over in The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, when Celestia prevented the sun from rising, allowing the redeads to suck the life out of Link, whom Luna named Chuck Norris.

That's why the troll pony had Twilight Sparkle genetically alter all living creatures in Equestria, so that their and their offspring's bodily functions allow usage of the food and drinks they consumed to be 100% for the nourishment of their bodies. Thus they would have no need for kidneys, large intestines, or anuses. So Twilight got rid of them. Any resistance would be dealt with on the spot. Orders of her supreme majesty. Which is why Twilight had to wipe out all life in Manehattan. The Manehattans loved to poop. I mean they had a real passion for releasing feces from their hairy shit stained anuses. It was a part of who they were. Only not anymore… cause they were dead.

Back to the present, Twilight worked hard and long in the science room place thingy. And, after a course of tests and failures, and beating her test subjects out of frustration from the failures, she finally gave up. Giving a badly hurt pony test subject one last kick to the nose, she climbed up stairs, and sat on her couch, watching TV all depressed and stuff. When a documentary about the rising of the third reich in Equestria cut to the commercials, the 152nd commercial was advertising a brand new product. It was a shot full of an unknown, untested substance that, eerily convenient for Twilight, boosted one's ability and confidence to act erotically around other Ponies like a goddamn whore. It was named Seksy Shot! They named the address of where to buy it. And like that, she bolted out of her home, ran to a donut shop, bought a chocolate pastry, ate it, dashed to the nearest rest room, realized that she no longer had those bodily functions, galloped to the border line of Mexico, bought the Seksy Shot and some marijuana while she was at it, raced back to the donut shop, bought two donuts, one for her and the other for Spike, zoomed back to her tree house, ate her donut, wrapped up Spike's and placed it on the kitchen counter, fell down the stairs to her basement with the seksy shot, injected herself with the unknown and untested substance, smoked marijuana, and fell asleep on the floor. *Inhale* *Exhale* *Inhale* *Exhale* *Inhale* *Exhale* *passes out* ….

To be continued! Duh-Nuh!


	2. It works

CHAPTER 2 - IT WORK!

That next morning Twilight Sparkle awoke. "I feel different… I feel as though I want to… hmm… I don't." She went up stairs and greeted Spike who was eating the donut Twilight left for him. "Good morning Spank."

"Pardon?"

"I mean Spike. Morning Spike." She blushed. "So, how was your first time being drunk?"

"It was awful! I hated it! I couldn't think clearly. I couldn't walk straight. I kept blowing chunks. And, ugh, the hangover. Don't get me started on tha-… um, Twi. What are you doing?" Spike found Twilight rubbing a cereal box on her chest, and then in between her hind legs, while wearing the stupidest grin. "Oh Lucy Chimes. You _are _mystically delicious! Eeeeyyyeeeuuuooooaaaaa…"

"Twilight, the hell?" Spike was freaked out, and a little traumatized seeing his master pleasure herself. "I'm a _baby _dragon. Just reminding you."

"Huh… what?"

"I am an infant. Just saying…"

"Oh… OH! Heh. Sorry about this. You're right. I should not be doing such an inappropriate thing in front of a babe… ur, baby."

"Ya think?"

"It's just that I've been so damn horny since I woke up… Oh my goddess! It worked!"

"What worked?"

"I bought and gave myself a shot. Called 'seksy shot.' Now I'm… feelin' it. I'm _feelin' _it! Holy cow! Excuse me Spike. I've got an ass to show off!"

"G-great." Spike is now looking at you, the reader. "There are some things mares don't feel comfortable talking about." Twilight joined in. "Like prostitute problems."

"If you or a loved one is a prostitute and would like to change, then call this toll free number. 1-800-my-pony's-a-skank."

"Call now mother fuckers!… Now then, ass time." And like that, the slut pony left to walk the streets.

"*sigh* What to do now… I could do some chores… *snicker* Screw that shit! Twilight can clean after herself. The lazy bitch… *burp*…." Spike looked around, and spotted the marijuana Twi stole from Mexico.

Minutes later, when Twilight was right in the middle of Ponyville, she saw how all the ponies were talking about shit that no one gave a crap about. A mare was talking with a stallion named Steve. "I miss the good ol' days, when we were allowed to just go!" the mare said, "If anypony were to piss you off, you could just piss on them. If anyone gave you shit, you could give them shit right back. And ah, the fresh smell of farts in the mourning. Know what I mean?"

"…" Steve couldn't think of how to reply to this.

"But I miss pooping most of all. Remember those days? Just sitting on the can, pushing it out. Feeling it's relief, while thinking about things on your mind. Or happy thoughts. Why, back then it was the only time I had to myself. But now, I'm always dealing with my three showoff husbands, and my dumb ass kids. I'm just happy that Ponyville just opened an abortion clinic. So now I don't have to worry about the filly and colt abuse protective services snooping around, every time I give birth because someone off the street rapes me. Or about the pain-in-the-ass homicide detectives. Man I love to go poopy! Thanks for having this conversation with me. I feel a whole lot better."

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Princess Celestia was planning the invasion of neighboring kingdoms. "The third reich shall be victorious!… Wait. I sense…" She narrowed her eyes, "Resistance!" She stood on a balcony, stuck her ass out and took aim. "I shall remain Equestria's sole pooper!" She shot out bullets of shit that broke the rainbow barrier.

Back in Ponyville Steve was about to say something to the lamenting mare, but then witnessed these small brown, smelly ass balls shooting into the mare's body at speeds only Rainbow Dash could have achieved, causing the poor female's head, legs, and back to explode. The adult male pony stared in disbelief. He slowly walked away, knowing that that was without a doubt the doing of Fuhrer Celestia. That is when he noticed the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And to the right of that was a _super hot _horned mare. Every nearby stallion noticed her, and just stared. Especially Rainbow Dash.

All eyes were on the purple unicorn. She felt she had to do something to impress the viewers. Twilight decided to do the Sparkle family's sexy walk that she learned, among other things, as a filly when her parents forced her to watch them have an orgy with their adult friends. It was passed down for generations. "Let's see. How did it go?" Twilight put one hoof in front of the other, and started walking and bending her body such that her torso would move forward in a horizontal wavy type motion, like a snake slithering across the ground. "Oh, I see now! The waving motion of my body takes on the shape of Ses connecting from end to end. S stands for Sparkle! The Sparkle family's sexy walk!"

She continued doing the walk. "Helllllloooo there! I'm horned! I'm horny! Watch me now!" The boner baring horses just followed her from behind, staring at her waving butt, resulting from her wavy slither walk. They were just… staring… the sick bastards that they were. And Twilight knew what perverts all the ponies in Ponyville were. She closed her eyes, and stuck her head up high, while proudly showing off her beautiful ass. Everyone was watching her in awe. She knew they were watching, and she _loved_ it! Then she trotted into a wall and passed out, because her eyes were closed. Some random stallion cried out "Derp ass!"

Hours later she woke up and found herself tied up in a basement somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres. There, she saw Big Mac readying some vibrating dildos, weed, needles, electric pliers, knives, and a bone cutter. She looked at him surprised. Then he noticed she was awake, "Oh… you're… Heh. Ummm…" He looked nervous and was sweating, "I thought you were dead."

"Just let me go." Demanded Twi.

"Yeah, okay." Big Mac untied her, "Try not to trip over any pony corpses you might happen to find."

On her way home, Twilight thought about her day, "Wow, that was… _fun_! I can't wait to showoff myself again tomorrow. But right now, I will get some rest. It's already dark out." Upon arriving to her tree house, she could smell the scent of a familiar drug. "SPIKE! THAT MARIJUANA WAS FOR ME! I ALREADY BOUGHT YOU MARKERS TO SNIFF. YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR ADULT DRUGS LIKE MARIJUANA."

She recognized a voice, "You need to let loose Twi." It was Pinkie's.

Twilight was pissed, "Pinkie? What the hell are you doing in my library? Where are you, anyway?" She walked up stairs and saw Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Owlowiscious, and Spike all chillin' out, gettin' high. "Get the F**k otta my home!"

"Screw you, you f**kin' bitch!" shouted Rarity.

Now Twilight was really ticked off, "That is the second time you insulted me verbally, Rarity! You all better get the F**king goddamn hell out of my kick ass house, you boyfriend-less, bitch ass spanking, pieces of cunt sucking, shit wads! Or I'm ganna beat the living crap out of all of you bastards! I'm the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria bitches!"

"*sigh* Fine. Come on girls. Let's ditch this asshole. We're tired anyway." Rarity said as she and her friends were exiting the front door, leaving only Spike, Twilight, and Owlowiscious inside.

"Way to ruin a good time!" Spike said, walking up stairs to bed.

"Where the freak do you think you're going? You're going out side for the night." Twilight levitated Spike, then sent him flying out a near by window, causing him to fall to the ground. The angry unicorn turned to the owl, "Now, what's a suitable punishment for you?"

Later, as Twilight was getting ready for bed, she thought to herself, "Can't wait till tomorrow. Man, I'm feeling so sexual! Maybe I'll have a dream of me having sex with a bunch of guys. But just to make sure this feeling lasts, I'll inject myself with that shit from the syringe again, before I go to sleep." She went into her basement, found the syringes, gave herself a shot, then went to bed, and dreamt about giant penises rapping around her body, while a living donut-like creature massaged her vulva.

To be continued! You suck!


	3. It's getting worse

CHAPTER THREE - IT'S GETTING WORSE

Morning arrived early. Princess Celestia wanted to show her dominance over Princess Luna. Twilight Sparkle woke up very happy. She could see the evidence of this all over the floor. "Wow! Look at all that semen! That seksy shot is working so sexually. Oh!" She slid across the floor with style and took a whiff of the air, "Hmm, better get Spike to clean up dis shit." Making her way down stairs, the odor became much stronger. "HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!" The entire first floor was flooded 2 feet in Twilight's jizz. "Poor Spike. Well, he needs more punishment from what he did last night."

Five hours and 43 minutes of agony later, when Spike was finally done cleaning up the flood of cum in the library, they both sat down to a late breakfast. "Meat for breakfast? What have you been smoking?"

Twilight gave Spike an angry stare, "I haven't been smoking. _You have._"

"Oh, let that go! I landed on one of our neighbors trip wirers, when you threw me out the window. Spliced both my legs off. Nearly bled to death. I had to drag my body to the hospital while carrying both my legs, to get them reattached."

"You're making this up."

"…Yes…"

"I'm going out today. I've got an a-"

"You unbelievable whore. First you prance around town in an erotic manner. Then you shoot loads of semen out of your vagina. You're out of control! You should lay off that sex-hormone crap for a while, before you do something you'll regret."

Twilight was just finishing up breakfast, "Maybe you're right."

Spike gave her a nod of approval.

"But I have to learn the hard way. It's best that way. Plus, I'm a complete jackass. Not to mention, it helps make this story more interesting."

Spike had a question, "Say, where is Owlowis-" But it was interrupted by the front door being slammed loudly by Twilight. Spike rolled his green eyes, which then went wide as he saw his plate of meat.

The loose Unicorn trotted around Ponyville. Immediately, everypo… one took notice of her, except Rainbow Dash, who was too busy doing some one. Twilight was indigent. "HEY! DASH! WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME, HOPING THAT I WILL SUCK YOUR NEW COCK? WHY WASTE IT ON… wait. Is that a stallion you're fucking?"

Rainbow Dash and his lover looked at Twilight awkwardly.

Twilight went on, "I thought you where… gay?"

"I am." Replied Rainbow Dash.

"Then why are fucking a stallion?"

"Because I'm gay..."

"But if you're gay, you should be doing a mare."

"But I'm gay."

"I know."

"So what's the problem?"

"You're lying. You are not gay."

"Yes I am!"

"Then fuck a mare!"

"That would make me straight."

"You're straight now."

"Then why am I fucking a Stallion?"

"Because you're straight."

"I'M GAY!"

"If you're gay, then why-"

"You know what? You're gay!"

"I am not!"

"Prove it!"

"I'll right, I will!" Twilight ran to colt and give him a good blow job. Twilight finished pleasing the male foal, "I told you!"

Dash looked at her in disbelief, "Um... That just makes you a pedophile."

"A _straight_ pedophile."

"Well, ignoring the pedophilia aspect, this makes you... gay!"

"No! It makes me straight."

"Okay. Then why does it make you straight? What is it about you that doing this makes you straight?"

"You're an idiot."

"Look who's talking."

"WHAT?"

"Just answer."

"I don't know where you are going with this... but, it's because I'm a mare. And he's a... Stallion. Dumb-dumb."

"Colt. He's a colt. Not a Stallion."

"Oh. Right."

"Well, then how am I straight if I'm having anal sex with a _stallion?_"

"Because you are a mare."

"Ha, that's where you are incorrect. I had a sex change."

"I know."

Dash was pissed, "THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I WAS STRAIGHT? All this shit could have been avoided, if you has just-"

"Oh Rainbow. You'll always be a mare to me!"

"...I'm telling everyone that you are a pedophile."

"Then I'm telling everyone that your sex partner has an illegal anus."

"Oh, yeah. That. Heh... never mind, then."

"Now, back to... oh, you know." Twilight was feelin' even more sexually energizes than yesterday. It was to the point were she wanted something _more_. She spotted Mister Whooves begging for money. She trotted over to him, "Hello, Whooves! How the hell are you? I can see you lost your license as a doctor. What did you do this time?"

The former doctor replied, "I... well... *gulp*... Do you promise not to get angry? Just Prom- you know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Anyway, what brings you to me?"

"I wanna have you shove dat bookmark in between my pages!"

"Great! It's about time I did it with someone other than my.. um, never mind. Let's get started."

You're going to love this next part, all you sick ass perverts! Whooves' sex organ was almost fully inside Twilight's sex organ. Then it wasn't. Then it was again. Than it wasn't again. It was. It wasn't. It was. It wasn't. It was. It wasn't. Erotic, no? I'm running out of ideas for this story..

Soon, they both, unrealistically, reached their orgasms at once. In the mist of their passion and sexually bliss, Mr. Whooves shouted out words of such truth and passion, that Twilight Sparkle nearly fainted, "I BLOW UP YOUR LIBRARY!"

They both lay there, thinking about how wonderful- "Wait.. What?"

"Oh, shit!" Whooves ran as far away as he thought was necessary to escape the surprised mare. Twi was about to kill him with a sniper rifle, but stopped when she saw his swaying rear as he ran away. "I forgive you," she whispered softly, with a gentle smile.

"I will now continue doing stuff," She said, as she was slapping stallion ass. Noteworthy was so pleased with his hiney being smacked by a hot mare, he felt like tooting a tune through his ass. But, alas, he had no glory hole anymore. After giving a colt one last blowjob, she decided that that was enough for the day. Plus, night was approaching unusually early, most likely due to Luna countering Celestia's attempt at gaining dominances over her.

Walking home, she saw that it, indeed was true. Her tree house/library was completely obliterated, and with Spike nowhere in sight. "OH SHIT!" Twilight said, "My seksy shot! I must have blown up with the rest of this place! DAMN YOU WHOOVES! DAMN YOU TO HHEEELLLLL!"

Then, she had a thought, "Maybe Spike took it with him before this place blow up, assuming he left in time. He probably took it to hide it from me. Maybe not. But it's the only shred of hope I have left. Otherwise, I won't be able to discover the formula of the seksy shot, to make my own, for the rest of my life. I'd have to run all the way back to Mexico to buy some more. But those Mexicans will kill me, knowing that I stole their marijuana. I'll just have to find Spike... What is the kind of place that Spike would be in right now?... BINGO!"

Twilight Sparkle ran over to Pinkie Pie's place and crashed through one of the windows to find Pinkie and Spike giving tattoos on each other's backs. "Spike! Quick! Where did you put my seksy shot?"

"I didn't touch your stupid shot." Answered Spike. "It must have blown u-"

"NOW YOU LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE SNOT-NOSED BASTARD! I know you took it before the house blew up! You didn't know that the house would explode, so you took the shot and hid it from me, cause you're sick of me making a spectacle of myself. Tell me where you hid it!"

"I'd tell ya if I kn-"

"OUCH! I think it poked me." Pinkie said, with both her front hooves on her girl-thing. She looked at Spike with a pleading face, "Please, can I take it out of me?"

Spike let out a sigh, "Fine. Looks like you caught me Twi. Go ahead. Use it. Act like a low self-esteem having whore."

"That's the spirit Spike!" Said Twilight.

"Hang on. I think there's some stuff blocking it..." Pinkie said, digging into her special stash. After a few moments of fiddling around, she managed to pull out a... brownie, two chocolate chip cookies, a half eaten cupcake/muffin hybrid, a shit load of dildos, some flasks of nitroglycerin, an exact copy of Twilight Sparkle's library/tree house, Princess Celestia, and, finally, the seksy shot.

"GIVE ME THAT!" Twilight yelled, quickly snatching the syringe out of Pinkie's hoof and injecting her vagina with it.

"Hello everyone," Spoke Princess Celestia, "Just here to make sure that no one here has any anus. See ya."

Spike looked at the tree house that Pinkie gave birth to, "Hay... Ur, hey, would you look at that. An exact replica. Looks like we have a home again Twilight.

"Great! You carry it back to where our old home use to be. Then we can go to bed. Nightie-night, Pinkie taco... Ur, Pinkie Pie." Twilight said, exiting the bakery through the front door, with Spike carrying their new home.

Stay tune, bitches!


End file.
